Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
