the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
