So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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