hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
