i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
