he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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