The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
