My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
