I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
