You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
