i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize