i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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