We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
