how do flat chested girls get laid?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
