I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize