The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
