Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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