apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
