how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
