i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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