I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
