I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
