Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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