similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
