K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
