Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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