All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
