Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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