he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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