There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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