I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize