apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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