I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
