She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
