I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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