I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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