I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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