Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
