evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
