I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
