do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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