Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
