i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
