Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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