dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
