Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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