She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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