HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
