Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
