I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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