you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
