Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
