i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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