My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
