my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
