i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
