I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
