I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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