He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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