my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize