it's like iHOP with fire
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
