Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
