Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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