He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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