I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
