i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
