Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
