my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
