mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
