i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
