i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize