Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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