yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
