My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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