I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
