you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
