Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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