Someone shit on the floor
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize