i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
