you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
