Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
