We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
