My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
