the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
