i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
