i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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