I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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