help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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