Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
