Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
