Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
