She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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