You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
