party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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