I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
