Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize