I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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