No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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