I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
