hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
