I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
