My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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