someone get that fucking seahorse.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
love makes seman taste better
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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