Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How does it feel to date your dad?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
its liver damage thursday
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