What a fucking waste of an outfit
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
