I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
